Accountability

Those of you who know me know that Bethany and I are extremely close. We have a tendency to be a little easier on each other than we would be with anyone else. To say we know how to manipulate each other is an understatement. Last year, I tried this whole follow a meal plan thing. I let her talk me in to it. She was doing it and thought it would be nice for us to do it together. She was WRONG! We were horrible at holding each other accountable. We would have a rough day and before we knew it, we were out stuffing our face.

It took me a long time to decide I was finally ready to try to eat right again. Bethany and I have had many conversations in the past year about me changing my diet. She kept telling me that I would drop weight like crazy if I would just eat right. I knew it would require discipline. I also knew I was going to have to have someone to hold me accountable who was not afraid to keep me on track, even if it meant making me angry. So, who could handle that job? Who would be willing to do and say whatever needed to make sure I stayed on track? It would have to be someone I trusted completely and someone who cared enough about me to forgive me when I was cranky. I was missing an accountability partner. Bethany and I had agreed that we were horrible accountability partners, so I had taken her off of the list.

She and I were standing in her kitchen talking about starting meal plans again and I brought up us holding each other accountable. We are together four days a week, it just made good sense for us to do this together. We agreed that we had to love each other enough to say no when it came to poor food choices. We had to make ourselves available every minute of every day, just in case we had a food emergency. We decided we needed to do this together. We needed to honor the effort that Misti (with Macros by Misti) was making to help us be the best we could be.

We check in with each other everyday. Weight reports, food reports, temptations, struggles...we are taking every step together. It is not easy. I don't always like to admit when I struggle, but she is always gracious. We pray together, we share tips, and we encourage each other. That's what friends are supposed to do.

I want to be someone who lives a life that honors the work Bethany has poured in to me. She doesn't have to push me to be better, she can be okay with who I am. I want to show her and Misti that I can drop the 50 lbs I promised them at Christmas. I want to prove to myself that I really can be successful when it comes to weight loss.

It is not easy. I am just trying to live the best life possible. I am trying to be as transparent as possible when it comes to my journey. If what I go through helps one person overcome an obstacle in their life, my struggle is worth it!

I remember the day I started my fitness journey. I was scared and thought I would never make it. That was over two years ago. I know so many people who doubt their ability and feel like they could never do what I do. I promise, if this is how you feel, you can do anything you set your mind to. Don't give up on the life you dream of. Don't stop believing that you are worth every ounce of effort you put in. You may not be successful every day, but keep going. I believe in you!

Be blessed!

I am an Emotional Eater

For much of my life, food has been a source comfort for me. When I was sad, I would eat. When I was angry, I would eat. Happy, eat. I am sure you get the picture. Eating has always been easier than talking about the emotions I was trying to suppress.

On Sunday morning, I found out that one of my former students was very sick. He asked for me to come see him. My heart broke. I went to see him. I told him how extremely special he was. I asked if he knew Jesus and he said yes! Yesterday, he passed away. I didn't even have a chance to process the fact he was sick and now he is gone.

I need to talk about it and haven't felt like I can. I am thrilled he had accepted Christ and honored that he thought enough of me to want to see me, but my heart is broken. This is the kind of thing that makes me really want to eat crap. I haven't.

To complicate things, talking about this with Bethany causes her pain. It brings up too many things from her past, so I am hesitant to say much. She will be upset with me for not talking about it with her, but hopefully she will understand that this situation is difficult enough. Knowing that this experience adds to her pain breaks my heart.

So, I will put it here and use this as an outlet to keep from getting sidetracked on my meal plan. The fact that I didn't drown my sorrow with chips and salsa is a victory. I am determined to make it through this week without eating to deal with the emotions.

Be blessed.

Cheat Meal.

I made it six whole days on my meal plan. I even managed to join my friend for her daughter's birthday celebration and didn't cheat. Bethany and I planned to have our "cheat meal" together on Sunday. Boy, we went all out! How much would it really change things?

Well, let me tell you about the whole cheat meal business, but first, let me tell you what I ate. We went got pasta. Bethany got there before me and called to see if I wanted an appetizer, we settled on fried calamari. I ended up eating most of it, dipped in marinara sauce and some in ranch dressing. I enjoyed it, or at least I thought I did. I followed that with a salad with ranch dressing, that's not so bad, right? Then I had a pasta sampler. Lasagna, tortellini, and manicotti...mmmm, so good! I ate a little bit of the bread, but not much. The we decided ice cream sounded really good, so we went for it. We left and went to the newest ice cream/donut place and each ordered a sundae. We shared with each other because that's what friends do. We sat and ate ice cream and the first few bite were AMAZING!

All of the sudden, neither of us felt well. We were too full and had eaten too much of the wrong kinds of foods. My body was so confused. I was really sleepy. We talked about how we were feeling and decided that we would NOT be doing that again! I learned a valuable lesson about food on Sunday. I may really like the fat filled food, but it makes me feel gross.

Monday morning I weighed and found out what the cost was for Sunday's food. I gained two pounds. I guess that's not horrible, all things considered. My meal plan has been much easier this week! Be blessed, watch the food you put in your mouth, and remember you are worth the effort.

One Word: LAZY

It has been an interesting week! I have managed to follow my meal plan everyday. I complained and I cried, but I still did it. The key to my success, I think, is that I had support. Bethany and Misti have been awesome!

I cannot honestly say that I wanted to do this. I really enjoy cooking and eating. Cooking is something I am good at (I am not trying to be conceited). It is a skill that I learned at home. Both of my parents are really good cooks. Cooking is therapeutic for me. It is a way that I can work through the stress in my life and the end results are usually pretty good. Cooking is a way for me to bless others. Who doesn't like a good home cooked meal? I guess, by itself, cooking is not the the enemy. Cooking is a necessary task for survival. So the issue has to be the food, right?

The food thing is interesting to think about. The food itself is not bad. It is something we have to have to survive. The real issue, at least for me, is the food choices I make. I LOVE food. I will eat just about anything. The more grease it leaves on the plate, the better I like it (how's that for honest?). Once in a while, this is okay. My issue is I was eating this mess too often. Everything tastes better dipped in batter and fried...that's what society wants us to believe. Hmmm, maybe food is not the issue.

For me, the real reason I am as big as I am is I am lazy. Yes, that's right, I am flat out lazy. As much as I enjoy cooking, I prefer to eat out. My life is crazy busy. It seems like I am always gone. It has been like this for 20 years or better and my waist line sure shows it. It became easier to just grab something on the go. So much faster than me having to grocery shop and cook. My whole family suffered because of this laziness.

So what can I do about it? I can make better choices. My family will eat at home if I eat at home. I will cook healthier meals for us and include fresh fruits and veggies. We can use the money we were eating out with to buy what we need.

Being lazy has taken a toll on my life. It is time for me to be deliberate in the choices I make for myself and in the food options I make available to my family. I am a work in progress, but at least I am moving in the right direction.

Following a meal plan has required me to be disciplined. It has not been easy. I have not enjoyed  everyday, but I have survived. The results are worth the struggle. On Monday (the day I started), I weighed 274 pounds. I weighed again this morning and I weigh 262.2 pounds. That is 11.8 pounds lost in one week. My meal planner (Macros by Misti) has me on a rapid shred plan so that I can drop weight quickly to relieve the pressure from my knees, hip, and back. This will allow me to get back to my workouts in a couple of weeks.

If you are reading this, my prayer for you is that you will benefit from my struggle. I pray that you realize that you are worth every second you put in to being a better version of  yourself. I want you to know it will not always be easy, in fact, some days will really suck. It is going to challenge you and make you cry, but you can do it! How do I know? I know you can because I am finding success. You are amazing, don't forget it!

Be blessed!

Moomart Meltdown and Protein Shakes

Have you ever broke down crying in the grocery store? Have you ever fussed and complained about the lunch you had to eat the next day? Well, I have done both this week.

Bethany and I spend tons of time together. She just recently gave birth to my beautiful God daughter and I think she looks fabulous. We have had so many conversations about our eating habits and what we should do to become the best we can be...most of the time it is just talk. Well, we put our words in to action and started the meal plans prepared for us by Macros by Misti.

For some people, being upset about a change in diet may seem silly, but that is what happened with me. Food addiction is the only addiction you cannot just walk away from. We have to have food to survive, so for folks like me, changing the way I eat is REALLY difficult. So difficult, in fact, that it seems like an impossible task. I broke down and cried in Walmart (My buddy, Landon, calls it Moomart, thus the reason for the title). Yep, I cried like a big ole baby as I was walking through the store gathering the things I would need for my meal plan. Thankfully, Bethany and I were shopping together and she helped me work through the emotions I was dealing with related to the items I saw on the list.

I am not a fan of protein shakes. I had to be on a liquid diet when I had lapband  (I am a lapband  failure). I discovered that I associated the protein shakes with failure. I thought this was really interesting. And then there was the tuna pouches...I like tuna sandwiches just fine, you know, with lots of miracle whip and onions and pickles and a little mustard. This lemon pepper stuff was new to me and in case you haven't figured it out, change is hard for me. I finally made it out of the store and had the task of prepping the food for the week.

On Monday morning, I gathered up most of the food I purchased the day before and headed to Tolar. Bethany wanted us to prep together. She wanted to make the process as easy as possible and she wanted to take away all of my excuses. She didn't want to give me a reason not to follow my meal plan. She is doing this with me.

I weighed (274 lbs), took my measurements (I'll talk about those later), and took photos. Talk about an eye opener...I won't be sharing them with the public. I cried and talked about all of the junk that  brought up and I was told I should be proud that I was brave enough to take those photos. I didn't do this alone. Bethany weighed and took photos too. I was blown away.

I don't see Bethany as needing to "diet". I see a woman who just gave birth and looks amazing, but I see her with my eyes and not hers. She explained that she needed to do this with me 1) so she could get her pre-baby body back and 2) so we wouldn't have to do it alone.

I survived the tuna and she survived the sandwich with Dijon mustard. We have struggled and we have had success. We have wanted to quit, but we have kept going!

I have lost weight, a whole 7 pounds and I have overcome some major obstacles this week...including the tuna and the shake. I know God has plans to use me in the fitness industry as more than just a trainer's personal assistant. I have to do my part and battle through this stage in my life so that God can use me to change the lives of people like me.

I may not look like I belong behind the table at camp or that I work for a fitness trainer, but you can't see the work God is doing. You are not fully aware of the call He has placed on my life and you may not be able to see how He has linked me and Bethany (and the other trainers I know). I can see most of it and I know Bethany sees it. Keep your eyes open and watch as God transforms me into the servant He desires me to be!

Be blessed!