I did well for a few days and then my life felt like it was out of control. Several things happened in November and December that increased my stress level. Instead of getting back to my workouts, I made excuses and tried hard to shut everyone out. I sat in the same spot on the couch watching TV and used food for comfort. Anyone who eats for emotional reasons knows that eating for comfort only works for a little while. I tend to feel really guilty about it. After many LONG conversations with Bethany, I finally decided it was time to suck it up and get my backside back to camp. She and I also talked about me finding a buddy at camp...you know, someone who will push me and who is closer to my fitness level than she is (for the record, she is willing to be my buddy, I just realize that she and I are miles apart physically and I want her to get the best workout she can). I prayed about it and decided that I would work out with Kim.
Kim and I met on her first day of Cg. I was asked to come to camp to workout with her because she and I have similar injuries and the trainer wanted her to see that she could do a Cg workout. I have said over and over that if I can do Cg, anyone can. I spoke to Kim at the end of December and explained a little about my journey and what I needed from her. She agreed to be my buddy and we were all set.
In the days following my conversation with Kim, we spoke a couple more times. She asked when I was going to get to a workout and I told her I would go back when the new camp started in January. She called me a slacker. It upset me, but I didn't say anything. The January camp started and I showed up for my workout right as it was starting. She said something about me running behind and when I responded, she called me a slacker. She had no clue that I had spent the drive to camp talking with Bethany on the phone because I didn't want to go to camp. I was scared. Kim had no idea the emotion one word would have. I struggled through that workout and headed home.
On the way home, I called Bethany and cried a little more. We talked about the workout and made our work plans for the next day. She told me she was proud of me for pushing through the emotion and staying at camp.
The next morning, I showed up at Bethany's house for work and we began talking about me being called a slacker. She looked me right in the eyes and said, "You know why that is bothering you so much, right?" She explained that I had been making excuses for a couple of months and that I was offended because I felt guilty. She said I was a slacker (she and I will tell a different version of this).
Ouch! It took a minute for me to realize that she was right. I wasn't mad about hearing it this time. Bethany has a way of speaking truth over me and sometimes this truth is not easy to hear, but it is necessary. We talked through all of the garbage I had been dealing with and I discovered that I used all of it as an excuse to get out of my workouts. Why? I will explain.
Working out hurts. It hurts my back, my shoulder, my knees, and sometimes my feelings. Working out causes me to deal with things that are bothering me, it makes me cry. Working out makes me vulnerable to the people around me and requires that I trust some of them (this is especially hard since I have had people I trust hurt me). I used all of the mess in my life as an excuse to avoid the people who care about me. I ate instead of working out and I gained about 20 pounds. Truth is, I am a slacker. It happened all of the sudden. So what now?
My goal, in the next two months, is to work back up to four workouts a week. I am going to make better food choices and talk through the things that cause me stress instead of trying to eat my way through it. AND I will blog because it helps me get the emotions out.
Working out sucks and it is hard, but I AM WORTH THE EFFORT!
On the way home, I called Bethany and cried a little more. We talked about the workout and made our work plans for the next day. She told me she was proud of me for pushing through the emotion and staying at camp.
The next morning, I showed up at Bethany's house for work and we began talking about me being called a slacker. She looked me right in the eyes and said, "You know why that is bothering you so much, right?" She explained that I had been making excuses for a couple of months and that I was offended because I felt guilty. She said I was a slacker (she and I will tell a different version of this).
Ouch! It took a minute for me to realize that she was right. I wasn't mad about hearing it this time. Bethany has a way of speaking truth over me and sometimes this truth is not easy to hear, but it is necessary. We talked through all of the garbage I had been dealing with and I discovered that I used all of it as an excuse to get out of my workouts. Why? I will explain.
Working out hurts. It hurts my back, my shoulder, my knees, and sometimes my feelings. Working out causes me to deal with things that are bothering me, it makes me cry. Working out makes me vulnerable to the people around me and requires that I trust some of them (this is especially hard since I have had people I trust hurt me). I used all of the mess in my life as an excuse to avoid the people who care about me. I ate instead of working out and I gained about 20 pounds. Truth is, I am a slacker. It happened all of the sudden. So what now?
My goal, in the next two months, is to work back up to four workouts a week. I am going to make better food choices and talk through the things that cause me stress instead of trying to eat my way through it. AND I will blog because it helps me get the emotions out.
Working out sucks and it is hard, but I AM WORTH THE EFFORT!
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